I grew up in a conservative home. We attended a conservative church. Living in the heart of the Bible Belt, everyone I knew had conservative view points. This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing and I would still consider myself conservative to this day. However, this conservatism morphed into legalism. Church was all about rules, not relationship, and I became a devout rule follower.

    I was taught about God from infancy and never once questioned whether the information was accurate or not. It never occurred to me that those in authority could have skewed ideas and/or bad theology. The norm in my world was no smoking, no drinking, no cussing and be at church every time the door was open. You had to attend Sunday School, sing in the choir and shake the pastor’s hand on your way out the door.

    Don’t get me wrong. I loved church. I felt safe there. I had good friends there. It was a huge part of my world. But somewhere along the way I began to get a warped view of who God was. I often heard the phrase, “Be careful. God is watching you.” I started to believe God was a mean judge sitting up in heaven waiting and watching for me to mess up so He could zap me. I became convinced if I did anything wrong, He would punish me by making me sick or allowing something bad to happen.  

    Then, my older brother died when I was eight. Fear completely gripped me and my thoughts progressed from God might make me sick to God might kill me.

    But it wasn’t God who was out to get me; it was Satan. (“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” I Peter 5:8 NIV) He filled me with fear and lies about God. Unfortunately, these were reinforced at home and at church. A relationship with God became all about following the rules, doing the right things, and working hard to earn God’s approval so He wouldn’t be mad.

    I never voiced any of my worries, fears or beliefs because it never occurred to me they weren’t truth. I thought it was completely normal to live in constant fear, not only of doing something wrong, but of everything. (I was in my thirties before I realized living in constant fear wasn’t normal.)

    I couldn’t admit to myself, let alone to God, that I was afraid of Him because if I did, He might punish me. I realize now how much that hurt Him, that He longed to pull me close and tell me how much He loved me. In fact, He tried, but I couldn’t hear Him. I was too busy hiding from Him.

    My whole life was based on false beliefs.

    So, back to our original question. What do you really believe about God? I don’t want you to answer with head knowledge, or with “church” knowledge, but what you truly believe in your heart. Give yourself some time and really wrestle with this. What do you feel? What do you think? What we truly believe about God is the most defining aspect about us. This foundation shapes our whole lives and if it’s based on false beliefs, we desperately need to replace them with truth. But, we can’t replace our false beliefs until we know what we actually believe.

    Hopefully, this blog will help us do just that; determine our false beliefs and replace them with truth. My prayer is that every couple of weeks, we will answer a different question that reveals our core beliefs so we can compare their accuracy with the truths from the Bible. But again, we can’t begin this process until we know what we actually believe.

    I hope you will follow along and share your thoughts. Start a journal and answer each journal question. Record what you’re learning. Share in the comments if you’re comfortable. I hope you will because we all learn from each other. You will discover you are not alone.

    I pray God will open your eyes to truth as we begin to learn what He is really like, what His true character is, and how He really feels about us. (I’ll give you a hint: He is crazy in love with you.)

In His lavish love,

Judy