I will not lie. IT IS SCARY!! I’ve had that sinking, horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, that nagging, constant worry. I catch myself thinking the most horrible thoughts, all the “what ifs” and the worst possible scenarios. I end up terrifying myself. Then I turn on the news and it terrifies me even more.

I see quotes saying if we just have faith, we won’t be afraid. Sayings like “Fear and faith can’t live in the same place” or “You’re afraid because you’re not trusting God” honestly make me mad. They are salt on my wound; they sting and make me feel guilty because I AM afraid. I know these quotes are technically true, but how many of us have faith like that? I sure don’t, at least not all the time. And because I am afraid I can only assume I do have weak faith, I am a failure, I will never measure up, God must be so disappointed in me, etc.

I am here to tell you God does not reject you or get mad when you’re scared. He doesn’t sit up in heaven thinking, “When will she ever learn?” Instead, His reaction is just the opposite. He longs to pull you close and comfort you. What do you do when your own kids are afraid? You want to comfort them. How much more does our Heavenly Father want to comfort us? There’s a reason the command “do not be afraid” (or some similar variation) occurs frequently in the Bible. It’s because God knows we are going to get scared.

Please don’t beat yourself up if you are scared. Fear is not a sin. It is a feeling, an emotion; and emotions aren’t good or bad, they just are. It’s what you do with those feelings that is important. We have a choice to make. Will we cower in fear and let it paralyze us or will we run to God and let Him comfort us?

When I was going through chemo and battling lots of fear, Jesus taught me to run to Him. He never once failed to comfort me and speak to me. He proved Himself faithful over and over and over again. He did this through Bible passages, songs, conversations with friends and gentle, quiet leadings. I learned to listen for His voice, and to seek Him through scriptures. He always brought just the right verse at just the right time and filled me with peace. But I had to stop and listen. I had to open up my Bible and read it. I had to ask Him to help me and to show me what He wanted me to know.

And He always did. He wants to do the same for me now, and always. He wants to do the same for you as well. All you have to do is ask Him.

My husband’s cousin is a licensed professional counselor in Nixa, MO. She posted some super helpful advice about dealing with anxiety and I wanted to share it with her permission. You can reach out to Jenny Parker at [email protected] or find her on Psychology Today under Jenny Parker Nixa, MO. Here is what Jenny shares:

#1)  Anxiety is normal.  Anxiety in our current situation is definitely normal and warranted.  Anxiety comes with uncertainty and things that feel out of our control.  So while it doesn’t feel good, I want to normalize and validate your anxiety.  

#2)  The best approach to dealing with anxiety is to address it rather than avoiding it.  Look at it like data that’s trying to inform you.  It’s like the dash board of your car.  If you ignore those lights going off, your car is going to break down.  Anxiety is the same way.  Your mind and body are telling you something.  So pay attention to it and be curious about it without judging it or being critical with yourself.  This is a time to be compassionate toward yourself rather than beating yourself up.  When my clients start sharing what they are anxious about, we often will look at what could possibly happen and I ask, “and then what?”  We go all the way to considering whatever the worst thing could be, and most times they find that though outcomes would be sad, disappointing, worthy of grieving, uncomfortable, painful; (and those feelings would need to be addressed and cared for;) most times they will say, “it wouldn’t destroy me.” Sometimes they do believe the worst case scenario would destroy them.  And then we talk about how to strengthen them and their internal (and sometimes external) resources so that they can know that it wouldn’t destroy them.  We begin a process of empowering them, growing them, healing them, resourcing them, educating them, transforming them into their healthiest self.  (Man, I love what I get to do; and I love my clients:) 

#3)  The best thing to focus on is what you can control, rather than what you can’t.  All my clients will typically hear me say this; as a healthy fully functioning adult we have control over what we think, feel, say, do, believe.  What we don’t have control over is what anyone else thinks, feels, says, does, believes (even about us.)  If you think about that, just taking care of our own yard and what we think, feel, say, do believe, is a big job; an important job, and one that is clearly our responsibility and where we have a lot of control.  This can apply to situations and circumstances as well.  

I have a lot of tools I teach people to use when they are anxious or experiencing a panic attack; including thought stopping, assigning times to be anxious, making lists, grounding techniques, etc.  But in general during this time I would suggest you focus on what you can do in these four areas:  Physically, Emotionally, Mentally, Spiritually.

Physically:  (I can not stress the importance of this enough.) Are you eating healthy foods, and not drinking too much caffeine or alcohol?    Are you getting rest and enough sleep?  Are you exercising regularly?  (During this time if you are stuck inside or can’t visit a gym; I would strongly suggest you google workouts you can do at home.  There is a ton of stuff you can do using just your own body weight.  If you need ideas, I can help you.)  If you can get outside and walk, do it!  I walked my dog for 45 minutes yesterday and then did a short workout inside and it felt awesome.   Again, get outside in the sun for a bit as often as you can!! 

Emotionally-Are you berating yourself?  Ruminating?  Replaying things in your mind?  Forecasting about the future?  Assuming negative things about yourself?  others? the future?  Exaggerating things in your mind?  Instead of all that counter-productive stuff:  how about focusing on at least two things to be thankful for each day?  How about being self-compassionate toward yourself and treating yourself like you would a friend (rather than talking to yourself like you would an enemy?)  How about refusing to think on negative things and instead renewing your mind with positives thoughts that are affirming?   

Mentally-what we focus our minds on is so important.  As a man thinketh, he is.  This is the center of control, so it’s really important to renew our minds with Truth.  Though feelings are important and we need to address them and care about them; we don’t need to let them dictate to us what is true.  Now is a great time to use that amazing mind of yours being creative.  During this time my family is picking out paint colors to paint our house, re-arranging things in our house, cooking, reading, doing continuing education online, listening to podcasts, shooting baskets, riding a bike…here are some other ideas: -Making lists each day of things you want to accomplish and checking them off as you go.  (Yesterday I cleaned my light fixtures and ceiling fans.  I had no idea how nice they looked underneath that dust.  On to base boards next:)   -Keeping a journal of what you’re doing everyday and your feelings about things; or a things your grateful for journal.   -Calling that family member you haven’t talked to in awhile.   -Calling your neighbor and checking on them.   -Reading that book that’s been sitting around.   -Doing some continuing education or learning something new.  (My new thing this week was setting up video counseling session capability for the first time.)   -Baking a cake or trying a new recipe.   -Teaching your kids how to cook.   -Playing board games.   -Organizing your closets and drawers.  Organize clothes you’re keeping by color.  Separate other clothes into throw away, give away, or sell (if that’s your jam.) 

Spiritually-now is an excellent time to look beyond yourself to God.  Prayer (about everything, including for myself, not just for others; and including listening to and believing that God answers and speaks to me personally), the reading of and meditation on scripture, having the fellowship of the big world-wide Church as well as involvement in a local church…all this is so vital.  Whatever your beliefs about God are, I believe His greatest desire is to have a relationship with you.  And now is a good time to develop that or grow it.   As a Christian, Jesus Christ is my Source.  I cannot imagine what my life would be like without Him.  In Him I have complete confidence, Hope, faith, trust, joy; and even in our current situation, I have Peace.   If you need care during this time and counseling would be of benefit to you:  please don’t hesitate to reach out to me.  💜

I hope this is helpful and you can be encouraged today. Our hope is in Jesus. Seek Him and let Him comfort you.

Judy